It's bizarre to think that it has been 4 years since I last posted something on this dusty old blog.
This is first and foremost the original blog, the emotional dumpster for everything that I can't process in that tiny head of mine. Since it does not fit into crafty geeky, which is more fashiony, nor travelune, which documents a former life in London, it materialises here, in confessions, because I am going to vent to my heart's desire.

This cloud in my brain hasn't been clearing for the last 24 hours. It comes with a realisation that I am past invincible after hitting late 20s. I wonder if John Mayer ever felt this way years after Room for Squares has been released and when No Such Thing is no longer the definitive song that defined that underdog spirit of his, back in the day?

They say the sky is the limit, but am I doing anything to reach the skies? Am I living a purpose driven life? I don't know if I am steering it in the right way, though in all honesty, it's not the way I'd imagine it to be. I did not turn out to be the person I thought I was suppose to become. Like I once told someone, I felt like the fire in me died out some time ago, and I have no idea how to reignite it. How do you summon drive?

One part of me wonders if I cut out for corporate life.

Virtual life

Today is a day of thoughts. In fact too many to put them into comprehensible words. It's not abnormal around this realm in the web. I'm just a person who thinks too much, writes too little, and proceeds to forget or bottle them up in little glass bottles stored inside my mind. I'm doing it BFG style.

I'm browsing through Friendster and discovered some friend's blogs that I never knew existed. I really made me think, of how the web and the blog has evolved throughout the years, and I remembered how I once was a crazy web girl, exploring it's countless possibilities, spending hours on end on it. Fast forward today, I'm still spending a large chunk of my time on the internet but the crazy edge has finally taken off. I don't really chat like there's no tomorrow, I prefer email, I still download songs, I play games, and I check in on those community sites once in a blue moon. I'd treat my blog as an outlet of rants, thoughts and opinions, rather than a virtual diary that recorded my day to day existence.

I have surpass that phase in my web life. My life is worth much more than a million words that possibly couldn't encapsulate that fleeting moment experienced in the many little things I do each day. If I can spend time writing something that doesn't mean anything to myself or to other people, I might as well go do something more worth while, and forget about this blogging business. Perhaps bottomline is that I have no intention at all of exposing my daily livelihood to a bunch of strangers from the internet or even friends who knew not of this blog's existence. Ironically, this is what I'm doing at the moment, though I would like to think that my fleeting thoughts can only conjure up an image of what I'm like, hence only a web representation of my real being. Does my thoughts tell you anything about the person that I am? Perhaps, I'm not the sort of person who likes writing a carbon copy of the day's happenings. It's just a little dull that way, innit?

Along came Friendster, MySpace, Hi5, Multiply and a whole host of web communities where the number of friends and testimonials you have is synonymous to your personality. You write testimonials for other people and make them write back to you so that you have a number to gloat about. I really don't see its purpose at all. While I really like the fact that you could keep in touch with people through a dormant existence on the web, but the question remains if one actually goes all the way to make that friendship work. You get a glimpse of what everyone's life is now through all the pictures that they put up, and you amuse yourself reading their profiles. Sometimes I'm baffled by the absurdity of it, especially by people who spend a large amount of time updating and writing testimonials like they are giving out charity to those in need. Talk about hardcore networking, not. LJ communities seems more of a better way making connections.

Bottomline, I can now add social retard to my profile. Oh and if you don't already know me, nice to meet you. I'm Lune and I bite sometimes.

Full fare not Fare

I was scanning through those little personal messages on everyone's MSN messenger and came across one that says:"I want my concession card!!! -All International student!!! Transport concession rally --TODAY!!". You can just imagine the blood boiling underneath my skin. It was a mixture of anger, excitement and regret. I don't think I've felt like this for a long time since that big chinese education debate on the Malaysians community on LJ. Makes me wonder if it's really me, or my star sign that's being all emo over the tipping of the scale. Do we simply blame the government for all these issues? Or do we really deserve the consequences of their actions? Perhaps it's that grey area that makes us fume over something that others consider a triviality over the world's bigger matters.

I thought to myself that things like that couldn't happen in the International student community in Melbourne. We've always been the meek bunch despite flooding the state with 50000 of us. The next thing I knew, I was hoping to catch all that action and even be part of it. Finally, someone is campaigning over a problem that I had to deal with every single day being in Melbourne, a matter that makes me more frustrated than the never-ending protests on VSU, and I'm not even there for that moment. If they ever won the appeal, the benefits are for prospective students to reap. Think of the money you'll save in the long run.

As an immediate response towards that little note on MSN, I did a search for the news. The Age had a succinct report on it, which pretty much states how ruthless the Vic government can be. I don't think the local students need anymore help financially than international students. HECS isn't that big of a deal when there are Asian parents working tirelessly day and night, or taking out a huge bank loan just so that their children can have better education and better futures. Our values are vastly different from that of a Western society, and I feel that we should at least garner some respect. We place our highest regards on your people, culture and country, why can't the favour be returned? The foreign education market in Australia really deserves every setback that comes its way.

Like my mom used to say: "god have eyes you know."
At least, someone is playing fair.
I shall now await the next instalment of the 'Full Fare not Fare' campaign.
Good Luck people!

Chinese dinners

Chinese dinners never cease to be large. In fact, I attended one tonight, a celebration of sorts, of birthdays, of annivesaries, of retirement. Three-in-one like Malaysian's favourite Nestum drink. Perhaps, to put it aptly, a celebration of life. These are all part of life's milestones. It doesn't mean that the end is near, rather it's a symbolic way of telling one that the best has yet to come. When you're of the age of 60, with a 30 year old marriage, one retirement and 4 children who paid for the huge proceedings, then I think life couldn't be anymore better than that, you're among the ranks of highly successful individuals that have so far led a meaningful life. Who cares if you're not a multi millionaire? I am truly impressed by my uncle and his family.
And then I thought about myself and what I want out of life. I couldn't say that I'm inspired by this uncle of mine even though I had renewed respect for him after the celebration. Maybe the dinner did the work, I don't know, could happen. What I want right now is to see the world, to own a house or an apartment, to own a car, and to have a successful career. These are things that are going to define my 20s; The long years toiling abroad, the endless week filled with work, and the occasional spur to travel. It's self-centered and it's all about me. Rightly so, who else to care about apart from the two old ones and yourself? Oddly enough there were only images of me lavishing my parents with treats instead of envisioning marriage and kids. How daunting are those tasks? Do we as humans live only to procreate? I look at my soon-to-be wed cousin brother and feel a deep pang of remorse, at what, I'm not entirely sure. It's a feeling you see. After all, it has nothing to do with the union of two people, rather, the union of two families. I suppose if my cousin had a choice, he would've taken his time, not pressured to tie ties.
Back to my point, Chinese dinners never ceased to be large, because we've never stop celebrating life, family and friends, as we know it.

L'Historien

I'm officially half way through The Historian. *glee* It's been a slow slow ride on my part. I'm such a slow-poke reader. And then the realisation that I don't know my history and geography well enough. I don't think we even learnt that much in school anyway. Fictitious as it is, I could just imagine the amount of research that has gone into making this book, perhaps twice the amount of what Da Vinci Code had put in. Dan Brown said in an interview that he attributes the success of his book to a number of factors, which were 1) Short Chapters 2) A topic that has a grey area 3) A topic that intrigues the author (which compells the urge to research). Three ticks for Elizabeth Kostova. Do I see another movie blockbuster in the making? I hope they do put it on the big screen. What can be more entertaining than the idea of Dracula still walking the Earth, not as a mere vampire but as a has-been tyrant from the Medieval times? I can't wait to finally finish the book. I have a little bed light on these days when I go to sleep because I had a nightmare the other day after closing in on a chapter at 2am. A little music helped too.

** Did anyone see the Da Vinci Code trailer??? The website is highly entertaining and one of the better ones I've seen so far. I still have my qualms about Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou as the protaganists though.

And I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears....

It's a trend. Every year when we've done exhausting the love-sick single of the year sung by a soulful young black guy, the industry manages to get someone new on the band wagon. There was Mario Winans, whom I believe will only be remembered with 'I don't wanna know' for an occasional R&B listener like me. Then Mario, sans Winans came along and swept the world away with 'Let me Love you'. The only thing that was memorable apart from his song was the striking graphic walls in the music video. His other singles did so-so on the chart and I believe didn't even come close to making a dent like that debut single. Now, a year later, Ne-Yo croons how he's 'So Sick' of love songs, when ironically he's singing one himself. And so, the cycles are in motion as we wait for this latest addition to fade into nothingness and then it'll not be long before another young hopeful join the long line of tradition singing heartbreaking R&B love songs.

Once Around the Block - Badly Drawn Boy

You quiver like a candle on fire
I'm putting you out
Maybe tonight we could be the last shout
But I'm fascinated by your style
Your beuaty will last for a while

You're feeling instead of being
The more that I live on the inside
There's nothing to give
I'm infatuated by your moves
I've got to search hard for your clues

I want to repair your desire
And call it a gift
That I stole from just wanting to live
Now I see the vision thru your eyes
Your innocence no longer fuels surprise

Trying to outrun your fear
Running to lose
Heart on your sleeve and your sole in your shoes
Take a left,
A sharp left
And another left, meet me on the corner
And we'll start, again.